Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
