look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
