You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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