just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
