I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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