She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
