lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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