Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
