i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
