I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
