Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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