Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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