pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Vodka?
Forever.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
