do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
