This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
