is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
