So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
