You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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