You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
These tits shall not be calmed
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
