who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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