R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
