It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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