Fuck appropriateness.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
