Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Fuck appropriateness.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
