Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You work out of a Hotel?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
