Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
