my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
