I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
