we have pet lesbian snakes
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
