coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize