so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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