how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
