So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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