It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize