Do you still have your period?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
