I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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