Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
