oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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