did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize