You're my little dorito
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
