you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
