i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
