I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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