Screwed.edu
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
