I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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