final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
