i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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