I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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