it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
