But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
