i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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