Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
