I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
