with your own penis?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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