If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She even gives head with a lisp.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
