This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
