Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
