Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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