So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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