theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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