Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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