I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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