Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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