Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
