You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Farmville is her only friend.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
