Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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