Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
COCAINE IS GR8
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
