My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
