So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
