i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
