Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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