you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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