First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
