I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
