guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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