He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
