its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think my moral compass just broke
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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