I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
