Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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