Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
