do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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