My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
