I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
