I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
