Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize