He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
