I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
