I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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