I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
