I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
