i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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