Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
