fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
